Jamie & Cooper's Story: A Brother's Grief After Sudden Loss (part 2) -E435

In part two of this heartfelt conversation, Cooper shares what it has been like navigating life after the loss of his brother, Parker, following part one’s conversation with their mom, Jamie.

Cooper speaks openly about the silence that filled their home after Parker died, the loss of motivation that followed, and the way grief evolved over time, from regret about the past to longing for the future they should have shared together.

He also talks about sibling grief being overlooked, the pressure young men often feel to “stay strong,” and why finding someone safe to talk to changed everything for him.

This episode is a powerful reminder that siblings grieve deeply too, and that their voices deserve to be heard.

Transcript

Why Sibling Grief Gets Missed

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Welcome to Don't Forget to Breathe. I'm Bruce Barker here with my co-host Kristen Glenn. Don't Forget to Breathe is a space where grieving parents find a voice, hope, and connection. But as you'll hear today, it's also a space for grieving siblings. In part one of this conversation, we heard from Jamie as she shared the unimaginable reality of losing her son Parker and the ways grief reshaped every part of their family's life. Today, in part two, we hear from Parker's brother Cooper. Sibling grief is often overlooked. So much attention naturally goes to grieving parents that brothers and sisters can quietly become what some call the forgotten mourners. But siblings lose more than a brother or sister. They lose a future, shared memories still waiting to happen, and a bond no one else can replace. What makes this conversation so powerful is Cooper's honesty. He talks about the silence that followed Parker's death, the anger, the lack of motivation, the regrets, and eventually the way grief began transforming into something different. Not easier, but different. He also speaks openly about masculinity, therapy, friendship, forgiveness, and what it means to carry his brother with him into adulthood. There's wisdom in this conversation far beyond Cooper's years, and I believe his voice will resonate deeply with grieving siblings, parents, and anyone trying to better understand loss through the eyes of a young man learning how to survive it. So wherever you are today, thank you for being here with us. This is part two of our conversation. It's time to hear from Cooper.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Hey Cooper. Hello. Cooper and I met during his journey as a sibling, grieving the loss of his brother, and he's been very courageous through this process. So we're gonna just talk about what this has been like for you. When you think of your brother um Parker, what memory for you really captures who he is?

SPEAKER_03 2:23

You know, I wanna say definitely watching Parker on the field. You know, he was always the best on the field, no matter what. I I mean, it was insane to watch this guy

Remembering Parker As An Athlete

SPEAKER_03 2:36

play football, soccer, basketball, wrestling. This guy was just all about it, and just watching him on the field and uh, you know, even off the field, you know, we'd we're brothers, so we sometimes we don't get along, but on the field it was just like this guy gets it, you know, like it's uh just awesome to see him on the football field. But yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Your mom talks about a firiness to him. Did you see that?

SPEAKER_03 3:03

Yeah, like maybe all of his anger he had for me just came out on that football field right there.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Did you tell him you're welcome? I gave you your fire.

SPEAKER_03 3:12

Yeah, it was just it was awesome. Looking back on videos now, it's like this guy would have killed me if I was the same age as him, you know?

SPEAKER_04 3:21

Right.

SPEAKER_01 3:22

If I didn't have age and size on him at that time, right?

SPEAKER_03 3:26

Yeah, we'd definitely you'd definitely kick my butt. Be a competitor, huh?

SPEAKER_01 3:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:32

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

How did losing Parker change your your life back when it happened or change your life now?

SPEAKER_03 3:39

I want to say the biggest thing for me when after we lost Parker was coming home to a quiet house. You know, Parker was either in his room yelling at his video game or, you know, just out messing around outside or messing with the dogs, and you know, I found that so hard to just come home and it just be dead silent, you know. Like my dad was pretty messed up when he got back from Mexico,

Coming Home To A Quiet House

SPEAKER_03 4:08

so like he was just on the couch, you know, just hanging out trying to heal himself, you know. And then kind of later in my journey after that, I had the want to wrestle again. You know, I as I got into high school, I was like, I can't wrestle. You know, these guys are beating my butt, you know, whatever. And then I feel like he gave me such a bump to do a lot of finishing out school. That was such a me, like I was never fat and tasted at school, and he just I felt like he gave me that little push to get through. And you know, I'm in college now. I never thought I'd go to college, which is you know, I always wanted to go and just go into a trade or whatever, and then I was like, that doesn't sound that fun, and even school still isn't the best, but it's like I just have that one more thing behind me just pushing me through.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

I watched that transformation with you of what am I gonna do with this? You know, I imagine at such an early age for that to happen to you, there was questions of why is it even matter? Why is school even matter? Sports, friends. And then there was this transformation time that that I I witnessed. It was incredible for me as an outsider to see happen where you you said to yourself, it does matter. And you know, no external forces, parents, teachers, people that love you can tell you it will matter in the future until you tell yourself that. But I watched it, I watched that happen with you. What what was that about?

SPEAKER_03 5:50

I don't know, just like at the time I was playing football and I stopped playing football, you know. I stopped gone, I didn't go to school for about a month, and then by the time I like got back, I was just still just you know not in it. And uh by the time my junior year rolled around, I like kind of wanted I wanted more, you know. I wanted to have something to to push for and have goals.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:21

You know, that's something that nobody really talks about is like you just don't want to do anything.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Absolutely, it's exhausting.

SPEAKER_03 6:30

If I could just have sat in my room and just withered away, I would have. But I think by the end of my junior year and the end of my senior year, I had all A's. And then I got accepted to like a scholarship for our local community college and got me a free year, and now we're looking to go to university, and so I think it's hard to say, like, if Parker wouldn't have passed away, I wouldn't be who I am today. You know, I'd be a totally different person.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Yeah. And it's hard to take gifts of the tragedy because we don't want that tragedy. We don't want to lose these precious kiddos ever. That was never supposed to happen. But I think an extra tragedy would be if we didn't take their loss and do something with it. You know, that's that's what I witnessed is you you deciding this is what I've been handed. I can't control what I would be handed, but I'm gonna do I'm gonna do some things. Yeah, absolutely. I'm gonna do some things to make myself proud. Yeah. And seeing how your grief showed up in those really dark times of I don't want to leave this bedroom, versus how is it showing up now? When do you feel your grief? What do you do with it? What's what's different now than it was before about where that sadness is for you?

SPEAKER_03 7:52

I want to say like grief is so hard to tell, especially, you know, like I look at my mom, and you can definitely tell, and I am, you know, I'm still a teenager, and that's so it's showing emotions is totally different, you know. But

From Withdrawing To Finding Drive

SPEAKER_03 8:08

I feel like a big part of my grief was I wish I was I would have done this was a big thing that I had a hard time with. But now it's moved to I wish I was able to do this with him today. I wish I was able to pick him up from school today. I wish I was able to go out to lunch with him today.

SPEAKER_02 8:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:29

You know, it's not I wish I would have treated him better at this time, or it's moved to what am I doing today and today, you know, to the future, really. Yeah. You know, I won't have I won't become an uncle, which is a hard thing for me. I won't have a uncle to m I mean, I will have an uncle to my children, but they won't he won't be in their lives, you know, which is hard.

unknown 8:56

It is.

SPEAKER_03 8:56

You know, nobody talks about that, you know. It's hard.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

Just to think of the wisdom that you have, to think of like moving from regrets that we can't change. Anytime we lose someone, especially at such a early age, there's gonna be regrets. And that now your maturity and your wisdom has moved to what we all feel of of just the wishes of what we what we were meant to do together.

SPEAKER_04 9:23

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

You know? That that void in your life that nobody but Parker could have filled.

SPEAKER_03 9:30

Mm-hmm. Definitely. Like no one can fill the past of your sibling, you know? That's a totally different bond than even my friends, which have become such a huge part in my life, you know. Yeah. I uh right as Parker passed away, I got a girlfriend, you know. She's definitely she stuck with me for three and a half years through a lot of my all my grief, you know. She was there every day. I would go and sit in my room and be angry, and she would be right there with me no matter what.

SPEAKER_01 10:05

There's something really powerful when people can just be. They know they can't fix it, yeah, but that she had the courage just to be with you and sit in that space, whatever emotions came. You've really spoken to this question that I was gonna ask, but any other words about what people that haven't gone through a sibling loss can't understand because they haven't lived what you have.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

Yeah, I feel like being around people of grief, like Kristen, even my mom, you know, like m mothers that have lost children, everybody always thinks about the parents. You know, kids are always set like on the back burner, honestly. I mean that's true. Like everyone's always texting my mom, oh, how are you doing,

When Regret Becomes Longing

SPEAKER_03 10:53

you know, Jamie? How are you whatever? Oh, how's JT? But they don't think about me.

unknown 10:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:00

You know, and I've had to push myself through that. Like, it doesn't matter. I'm I'm a very strong individual, so I think that other kids that are, you know, I'm sure other kids struggle with that, like big time. Like I I have my mom to talk to, and some kids don't have that, but I feel like kids are definitely put on the back burner, and they have the closest relationship with their sibling most of the time.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

You know things about Parker that nobody else does. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 11:30

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And my mom always talks about that, which is funny. So I'm like, mom, I can't tell you.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

I can't tell you. That's between Parker. That's bro, that's bro code.

SPEAKER_03 11:41

I can't tell you, mom, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

Yeah. I've heard of siblings being called the unforgotten mourners. Yeah. And I think it's so true. How do you carry Parker with you? Where does he show up in your your day-to-day?

SPEAKER_03 11:55

I am very like, I don't know how to say it. I'm with nature, as some people say. I love to hunt. A lot of my time spent is hunting. You know, I countless days, countless hours, countless miles hunting. I'm not big into the heart rocks like my mom. You know, if I find a good one, it's like, oh mom, look at this one. My mom will pick up rocks and I'll be like, Mom, this is not a heart rock.

SPEAKER_04 12:25

She has

Carrying Parker Through Wrestling And Nature

SPEAKER_04 12:26

to really, it's a stretch. Yeah, I'm like, mom, this is we we need to narrow down the alley, mom. You want her to be more selective.

SPEAKER_03 12:34

Yeah. But I I wrestled my senior year and I felt like Parker was always there in my matches. I'm not gonna say I was the best wrestler out there. You know, I definitely had some struggles in wrestling, but he would be with me there at the beginning of the match and at the end of the matchup. So I think that wrestling brought me really close to my brother. My brother hated wrestling. He would get so mad at wrestling. I mean, he'd get he'd get pinned and he would come off the mat angry.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

And I wrestling is such a it's so one-on-one, right? I mean, it you can't look back at your team and say you messed up. It's just like, ugh, just me and this other person on the mat. It's so tough. It's a grueling sport, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

And he's you know, he was just so used to winning and being and then he'd get pinned and he's like, this guy really just beat me. How can that be? How can this happen? You just yeah. But Parker, you know, he loved wrestling at times and hated it at other times, but I felt like that was a bond in my life that I'll definitely never forget about was wrestling. And warming up is like just thinking about Parker, listening to my music, you know, just getting in the zone to go out there and wrestle. And you know, I look at birds sometimes, like, like why is this bird up here with me? I'm like, you know, I'm the only person out here, and there's this one bird. Like, you know, what are you doing? Like I've definitely connected with like some birds, you know. I hunt geese and ducks, and my mom's like, you know, she doesn't like that, but I'm like the it it would be this way if Parker was here.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Sure, it'd be right alongside you. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 14:21

So definitely wrestling was the biggest thing that's kept me close to Parker.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

What have you learned during these years that you've talked about friends, you've talked about doing things in Parker's memory, other things that you've learned are are good for your soul during this time?

SPEAKER_03 14:41

Not feeling bad for other people. Not if someone says like you don't gotta forgive that person. Like if someone says something to my mom or you know, about it, and I'm just like my mom's like, they don't mean it. And it's like you don't gotta forgive them for that. We were really good friends with um

Forgiveness On Your Own Timeline

SPEAKER_03 15:03

the driver of the car when that happened, and you don't have to forgive them for that. I thought in the beginning, oh, you have I need to forgive this person. It's like you don't have to forgive them.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

No, you can make your own choice there, can't you?

SPEAKER_03 15:18

You can make your own choice and nobody's can tell you different, you know? Yeah. So that's definitely a big one, I think. Just don't care what other people think. Everybody has their own grief, you know. Everybody mourns different ways, everybody has different feelings. Me and my mom have a great relationship, and you just need to find the people that you can talk to and go talk to them. Before I met Kristen, I was like, she doesn't know what I went through. She lost her, you know, whatever, and my mom lost her son and she doesn't know what I went through. It's my sibling. He's not my son, you know. How's she gonna know? And then meeting Kristen has been like one of the biggest gifts in my life. And uh I think about it every day.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

Oh, Cooper. How has this experience shaped you and the person that you are becoming?

SPEAKER_03 16:19

I would not be the person I am today without you know, losing my brother, and that's uh really hard to say, you know. Like Kristen, as Kristen said, like taking away a tragedy and using it to boost yourself seems like y you know, morally wrong, and but losing my brother has pushed me to be someone I never thought I'd become and pushed me to meet new people. You know, like I said, Kristen has been like a big influence in my life and she's helped me out a lot.

SPEAKER_01 16:55

So goodness. Um what would you say to other young people that had to journey through this? What's your wisdom for them? Because I think you are you know the heart of gold, and what would you say to them? Because I think there is such a hesitancy to reach out and talk about hard things when you're a teenager, you're trying to find yourself and be independent. And and you you fought against that and walked in that door and didn't want to. And beyond that, you have a personal strength that I have rarely witnessed. What do you say to people that are having to navigate losing their sibling and feeling like they're the forgotten, the forgotten people in the family?

SPEAKER_03 17:36

Yeah, I definitely would preach going and finding someone to talk to. Like as a male teenager, you're like, oh, I gotta be strong. Or even, you know, my dad I think about my dad a lot, like him not going to see someone is a part of his grief, and you know, he deals with his stuff that way. But I think finding someone you can talk to is so, so important. It's like, well, why do I need to go see a grief counselor or a therapist? You know, it's gonna make me look like a sissy or whatever. But it's been really helpful pushing me through these past three or so years, so it's super important to do that, and I'd recommend that to anyone.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

I'm without words. I I you leave me speechless often when we get to talk. And uh what I've watched, you and your mom and your dad, you know, just journey through. You inspire me every time we're with each other, and uh I hope that this can help other families, and uh I appreciate you coming in. This is not easy.

SPEAKER_03 18:42

Yeah, definitely. I was definitely worried about coming in, but I'm glad I did.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

I am too. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

Thank you for spending time with us. You know, Cooper's honesty and courage in this conversation remind us that grief does not belong only to parents. Siblings carry profound loss too, often quietly, often unseen, while the world focuses elsewhere. What stood out to me most was hearing how grief changed over time for him, from regret about the past to longing for the future moments, he and Parker would never share. That shift is heartbreaking, but also deeply human. I

Asking For Help Is Strength

SPEAKER_00 19:25

also hope people listening heard something important, especially young men, that asking for help is not weakness. Finding someone safe to talk to can change the trajectory of grief and even the trajectory of a life. To Cooper, thank you for trusting us with your story, your memories of Parker, and your truth. And to Jamie, thank you for allowing space for your son's voice to be heard in such an honest and meaningful way. And to anyone listening who feels forgotten in their grief, especially siblings, please know this. Your loss matters too. Your voice matters, your grief deserves space. If this episode connected with you, please consider sharing it with someone who may need it. So until next time, be gentle with yourself. Take care of each other, and please don't forget to breathe.