Jamie & Cooper's Story: Heart Rocks and Mom Armor (part 1) -E434

In Part 1 of this deeply personal conversation, Jamie shares the story of her son Parker, a vibrant, fearless ten-year-old whose life was tragically cut short during the Baja 500 in Mexico.

What follows is a raw and honest discussion about the moments that changed everything, the chaos and heartbreak of navigating unimaginable loss in a foreign country, and the impossible task of surviving while trying to hold a family together.

Jamie reflects on Parker’s larger-than-life personality, his love for football and friendships, and the meaningful ways his presence continues to show up through heart rocks, community, and acts of love. Together, Bruce, Kristin, and Jamie talk openly about grief inside a family, what it means when people call grieving parents “strong,” and why connection with others who understand can become a lifeline.

This episode is heartbreaking, beautiful, and deeply human.

Transcript

Welcome And Content Advisory

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Welcome to Don't Forget to Breathe. I'm Bruce Barker here with my co-host, Kristen Glenn. Don't Forget to Breathe is a space where greeting parents find a voice, hope, and connection. Today's conversation is one that carries both deep heartbreak and deep love. Kristen and I sat down with Jamie, a mother whose son Parker died in a tragic accident during the Baja 500 in Mexico. Cooper, Parker's brother, also joined us to talk about his journey after losing his brother. We'll hear from Cooper in part two. Parker was only 10 years old, but as you'll hear today, his life was loud, joyful, fearless, and deeply connected to the people around him. This episode is not just about loss, it's also about the moments that come before tragedy, the memories that stay after, and the impossible decisions parents are forced to make when life changes in an instant. Jamie speaks with incredible honesty about those early days, navigating unimaginable grief in a foreign country, trying to care for her injured husband, support her surviving son, and somehow survive herself. As always,

Parker’s Big Spirit And Memories

SPEAKER_00 1:25

this conversation may be difficult for some listeners, especially grieving parents. Please listen gently and take care of yourself while you do. Here is part one of Jamie's story.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Hey Jamie. Hi, hi. Um, Jamie and I have known each other for a long time through our common bond of losing our children. Just an honor that you'd agree to be here. Um, what do you want to share about Parker and his story?

SPEAKER_02 1:56

Oh man, Parker. He uh was 10 years old when our accident happened. He was always so outgoing and silly and honry, just all the things. Just a hundred miles an hour from the day he was born.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

He always had that personality of just like living large, huh?

SPEAKER_02 2:25

Yeah, for sure. Yep. Just always over the top.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

What are some of your favorite memories that you shared with your boy?

SPEAKER_02 2:35

Well, he always would get up early with me and have some coffee. Well, he would beg for coffee. Sometimes I would give in and let him have a little bit of coffee. Other times it would just be chocolate milk. But yeah, he would always get up early and get a blanket, and we'd turn on some cartoons, and yeah, so that was always fun. Taking him to football practice or to you know, his football games, and just watching him play was so much fun.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

He loved being out on that field.

SPEAKER_02 3:15

He was his skills on the field were just amazing. Just so fun to watch. He just his love for that. And his teammates were just so fiery and fierce. He always was just a hundred on the on the field. It was just fun to watch.

unknown 3:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

A short life that was very fully lived, but leaves you wondering what was next for Parker.

SPEAKER_02 3:45

Yeah, for sure. Up to the accident. He made so many plans and visited so many friends, and it just was very crazy that he made time for each of his friends so intentional.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

For him to be intentional at such a young age. Yeah, you know, as an honorary boy, but also know the power of friendships.

SPEAKER_02 4:08

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

I've watched you continue those connections with his friends. And you've shown a lot of young people that speaking your truth during grief and and talking about people and continuing to bring them into conversations is really part of a healthy

Showing Up For Parker’s Friends

SPEAKER_01 4:30

grief processing. How'd you make that decision to do that as part of your own journey since friends were so important to Parker?

SPEAKER_02 4:40

I think some of it was is some of his friends were also our adult friends, children. And so, like I wanted to keep those friendships. And then some of it were just the kids reaching out to me on social media, you know, and asking if I would still come watch their games and come watch football or come watch them wrestle, whatever it might be. And so yeah, I made it pretty intentional that if I were asked by any of the kids to do that stuff, that I showed up for them. Just because they were hurting too. And it seemed like the kids just really they really loved seeing me or in our family, Cooper too, and JT. But it just it seemed so warm to see the kids and have them ask me to be a part of things that Parker should have been doing with them.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

That the way you are as a person made them feel safe to ask you.

SPEAKER_02 5:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

You know, I think you're just such a warm person that for them to feel like it's okay to ask this family to still come and wonder and give you permission to say no, but that you that you said yes. And I mean, what's it like to sit there and be on the sideline of a football game for you?

SPEAKER_02 5:55

Ugh. It would take your breath away because you know where your kids should be standing out on that field, but it just also was just so special to still be able to go and feel loved by the community or I love that. It's

The Baja 500 Decision And Accident

SPEAKER_02 6:12

important. Yeah, very important for me.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

So, Jamie, if you're comfortable sharing, can you tell us about the time surrounding Parker's passing?

SPEAKER_02 6:22

About the accident itself? Sure, yeah. If you're comfortable, yeah. We had decided J Parker's dad, JT, was asked to be a co-pilot driver in uh Baja 500.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

The race is down in Mexico? Yes.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

Yep. And it uh it's the Baja race, and so uh JT was asked to be a co-pilot uh with a friend of ours to to race, and so JT and I talked about letting the boys go. Cooper just started high school, and so we were concerned with him missing a lot of time from school. So we agreed with you know, Parker being in fifth grade that it made sense to let Parker go and experience the Baja race and just experience the whole thing. I haven't even gone myself, and so yeah, they decided to to go. Um, they flew to Arizona and then drove to to Mexico. And the morning of the race, instead of JT being co-pilot, the driver's daughter ended up co-piloting. So JT and Parker ended up just being in the pits, and something wasn't working right on the truck, the radios weren't working, like just a lot of things weren't going right that morning. And the trophy truck was headed back to the pits to try to figure things out. And as he was pulling into the pits where they were, the rear axle or rear brake, not 100% sure, something locked up in the rear end, which then caused the driver to lose control of that truck, and the truck then went into the direction of JT and and Parker. The truck then hit them both. JT realized what was going on and tried to get back to get Parker out of the way, and the truck hit them both. And I don't know exact details after that. I haven't asked for exact details after that, but I know the driver tried to give aid to Parker. It sounds like it was probably instant. And uh it hit JT in Torzier almost off. And so the driver then, you know, called me here because I was at work and told me that there was a bad accident, and you know, kind of briefly said what I just did happened. I could hear, you know, JT in the background, but I couldn't get him to get on the phone to talk to me, to tell me what was going on. And so then, you know, we hung up and JT was taken by ambulance to the Ensenada hospital to get treatment to get his ear put back on. And uh I'm not sure where Parker was transported at that time,

Shock And Survival In Mexico

SPEAKER_02 9:18

but the driver was arrested right after that happened. And so there was just so many, so many layers to all of it. I flew to um San Diego, a friend of mine came. Unfortunately, none of my family members had passports. Uh, so a friend came and JT's mom came with us, and uh, we flew to San Diego, drove down to we were picked up and then drove down to Insenata. And then after that, I got went straight to the hospital, and then the next day we had to go to the police station to to get our friend, you know, the driver out of jail. We had to figure that all out the next day, and then the day after that, then I went to the the Mexico morgue, I don't even really know, with my friend and another person, and they uh the other friend of ours went in and uh, you know, identified Parker because they didn't recommend I do any of that. He did that, and then they transferred him to the funeral home. But being in another country was just terrible. You have people that are translating stuff, and I'm in a funeral home that isn't giving me any options, you know, it just was terrible. Yeah. Terrible not to to have at least somebody that could speak English that was your friend, or Spanish, I meant that was your friend, or I'm sorry, and thank you for sharing that.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

What do you remember most? And I know for me, everything was a fog after I lost my daughter, but what do you remember most in those early days after losing Parker?

SPEAKER_02 10:59

Ugh. I don't really I don't remember a lot. Like I remember just tiny bits and pieces sitting in the airport, you know, trying to get a hold of like the embassy to have them help us find where they transported Parker. I remember a little bit of that, but I don't really remember the drive to the airport. I don't remember flying on the plane. I remember a little bit of seeing our friends picking us up at the San Diego airport. So much of it is just a fog. Yeah. Um, I remember a little bit at the police station. I remember a little bit outside, you know, their, like I said, I don't know if it was their morgue or kind of what it was. I remember sitting out there for a minute. Like just, I mean, we were in Mexico, I think, five days. I do remember when we walked to the beach after, you know, they let JT out. But yeah, it was just like this whirlwind of this isn't really happening. It was just so bizarre. And to even look back and just realize like how much of it I don't remember is really weird, too.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

I think with one, just the shock of losing your child. Because I found out I was 20 miles away from where I was working. That's when I found out I know I don't remember the drive back. There's a lot of things that I don't remember. But for you, you were also navigating something. I mean, just in being in a foreign country, and there were so many other layers to navigate on top of that. If you can't even remember, how do you think you did it? You just kind of put your head down and you because you uh you know, you also have JT's got yeah, there's injuries, so there's you're you're you're balancing a lot.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

Right. You it almost feels like like afterwards, you know. I when I got the call, I left and I went and got my oldest son Cooper from his school because I didn't know for sure what was going on. Because in my mind at that time, I'm like, Parker's gonna be fine. Like, this isn't really happening. I'm gonna go get Cooper, we're gonna go home and wait, and we're gonna find out like that they messed up, like he's really not hurt, or or he's hurt, but he's okay, you know. And once that wasn't it, it was just like okay. Now it's like you put on this armor to just push through, then yeah, and then just you know, having to get there and I was trying to be strong for JT to make sure like that he didn't feel that I blamed him or thought it was you know his fault. Yeah, just trying to like I couldn't even just worry about just taking care of Parker. There was just so many bigger layers, you know, our getting our friend out of the jail and you know, making sure the hospital was taking care of JT because it's the hospitals are over there a lot a lot different than here. But the the doctor over there was amazing, like he was phenomenal. But yeah, just like I just feel like I just went in there and just put on this face and just got it done. It was the weirdest thing ever, and I had to make a lot of decisions somewhat on my own because JT was in the hospital, so I had to go to the police station on my own. I had to go to the, you know, and make decisions on having Parker moved and doing things, and so it was you put on that mom armor, yeah, yeah,

How A Family Grieves Differently

SPEAKER_02 14:45

for sure.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

And just you know, for our listeners to know, Cooper is here with us as well, and we're and we're gonna talk to Cooper in a little bit also. So, how has this affected your family dynamic? Because everyone's loss is as we know, we've talked about men and women grieving differently. That's a couple, but now with Cooper, like basically the the whole family dynamic, how has that affected everyone as far as your connection together, grieving together, grieving separately? What can you speak to on that?

SPEAKER_02 15:21

I mean, I think at first it was super tough because yeah, we I mean, all were grieving different. I feel like sometimes I like I just was so deep in my own grief that I wasn't paying much attention to Cooper's grief and what he was going through. And say for JT, I feel like you just you start getting into your you just are just trying to survive the days, and then it makes it hard to try to also check on others, and so that that's tough, you know, and and JT's a very to himself person, and so it, you know, sometimes it was hard to know how he felt or to communicate things that way, and you know, Cooper just started his sophomore year, you know, which is I think always kind of the trying years anyway, and then to add this on top of it. Him and I, you know, sometimes we're on the same page and really worked hard to support each other, and then other times we were button head so bad that I didn't know how we were gonna get through the day. But now I feel like you know, we're really close and that we try to, you know, honor things about Parker and and check on each other a little bit

Staying Connected Through Love And Service

SPEAKER_02 16:43

better than at first.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

It's like you can't can't hold someone up when you're fallen too. Yeah. I know I think that we talked about that for sure. Mm-hmm. Definitely. When you think of the ways that your love for Parker shows up today, what does that look like as you continue to miss him so much? But but how do you stay connected to him?

SPEAKER_02 17:05

That's kind of a hard one. I feel like I always am finding heart rocks that he sends to me the other day. I went to the school to check on his tree. We have a little tree there for him and went and walked to the tree and got back in my car. And just as I looked down to get in the car, there was this perfect little heart rock just sitting there. And I feel like I feel like he sends them to us, and that I feel like I always try to talk to him. And I just really, I just really try to carry him with me with things that I do for people, for other kiddos. I'm a Casa supporter in Larmer County, and so I try to give back a little bit and to honor Parker however he would like that. We foster dogs, which you know we did when he was here. He didn't always love it, but he did and he didn't. Right.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

Those dogs got some attention that he would have liked to have had, yes.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

So yeah, I really try to make sure and carry him with me. I think you do in so many beautiful ways. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

Tell me what you've learned about yourself during this journey.

SPEAKER_02 18:18

It's always hard to look inward at yourself. You know, people always say that you're strong, and I feel like us as braved moms, we're like, uh, this is just what you have to do. But I mean, we are strong. It takes a lot to to get up and still show up and function and try to still live a life that Parker would want us to, you know, like it's beautiful. I know he would not want me to lay in bed or just mope around, or you know, I know he wants, you know, so much more for us.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

Absolutely. So what's it feel like when people when you tell your story? And I know your story, but when you tell it, it just takes my breath away to think of what this was like for all of you. And when people say, or even when they said this when it first happened, you're so strong. You're so strong. And then the second part of that comment is often, I could have never done what you did. How does that land with you?

SPEAKER_02 19:23

I mean, sometimes it's those comments are a little frustrating with the I could never do that, or I would have died too. Because it's it's not that easy. Right. I mean, I think all of us for a moment would have rather died.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

Oh, I remember mornings just waking up and thinking, dang, I woke up.

SPEAKER_02 19:46

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

You know, why is another morning happening without my boy?

SPEAKER_02 19:51

Yeah, exactly. And then, you know, days are still hard, but I would never want to miss Cooper's future. Those things are just as important, you know. But I think people say those things not to be hurtful or insensitive. I just don't think they realize that comes across that way a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 20:16

Right.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

That it's we're not strong.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

We did not choose this.

SPEAKER_02 20:21

Yeah, we did not choose this, and we have to keep going for other people that count on us too. You know, I own a business, those people also need me. You know, they have families to take care of too.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

Yeah. I've always been struck as you and I have talked about your focus on others, your focus on the fact that there are others that need you, need whether it's the friends of Parker's or the the families that work with your business. I think that's

What Helps When Grief Is New

SPEAKER_01 20:52

just such an incredible statement about who you are and and possibly how you live Parker's reality of thinking of others. When you imagine someone that is new to their grief and this a tragedy has just happened, what would you tell them?

SPEAKER_02 21:10

I don't know that there's any right words to tell someone, you know, but I would tell them to try to seek help or find people that are further down their grief than they are to just sit with them. I don't know that there's any right words, but to be able to sit with somebody that knows your pain really unfortunately is the most comforting feeling, the saddest, but it's also so comforting to just have somebody tell you, I remember that. I remember exactly how that felt. Or I remember it'd be six months later and it would still feel like yesterday, but also feel tens of years away. Just so bizarre. And that with time, you know, it does change. It's not as sharp, but it you just figure out how to bring it with you. And now I just I want to bring it with me and honor Parker with it. And anything I can do.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Make sure he's remembered.

SPEAKER_02 22:13

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

Well, and I think today we hope is one of those moments where Yeah. You know, you it's brave to come here and it's brave to tell the story. And we are wanting this to create as a space for that voice and for your personal circle, but also the larger community to remember and say our children's names

Heart Rocks And A Living Memorial

SPEAKER_01 22:36

and and not um veer away from these hard conversations.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

Yes, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 22:42

So thanks for for what you've done today.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 22:46

Hey Jamie, if I can, I want to circle back to something that you said earlier. You mentioned Heart Rocks. What's the story with Parker and the Heart Rocks?

SPEAKER_02 22:57

Well, when we went camping years ago, we went to no, it was in Mountain Home, and it's uh it was a quarry. Isn't that what it is? The mine. The mine. That's what it is. Gotcha. Um, so we would go to Mountain Home and we'd always stop at this mine, and the kids would play around outside the mine and look, look at the rocks, just a lot of pretty cool rocks. And Parker found like this perfect heart-shaped rock. And Parker would always find all kinds of rocks. Like he always loved finding cool-looking rocks, and he'd put them in the razor for us to take home. But he found this really cool, perfect heart rock. And I was like, wow, that that one's really cool. We got back home, and I think a couple weeks later, he decided he was going to give it to grandma, which was great. But don't get me wrong, I was a little sad because I wanted to keep the heart rock. But so I gave it to my mom, and so she kept it. And then after the accident, my mom had the heart rock put in a shadow box, and my mom gave it back to me. But I just I feel like since then we always find these really perfect heart rocks, and I just I feel like it's just Parker making sure we know he's okay and saying hi to us. Cooper even finds heart rocks. It's beautiful. So I just I think that that's how he sends us. And so now we have a rock garden for Parker, and it's full of heart rocks and some other neat rocks and different things, painted rocks that his friends have brought to us. And when we've had his birthday parties, um, people bring us painted rocks or just neat rocks to add to the garden. So we have tons of rocks now.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

We'll pause there in our conversation with Jamie. Thank you for being with us for part one of her story. You know, there are moments in conversations like this where words almost feel too small for what someone has survived. But Jamie reminds us that grief is not only about what was lost, it's also about the love that continues. In this episode, we heard about Parker's enormous spirit, the trauma surrounding his death, and the strength it took for this family to keep moving forward when everything inside them had shattered. But we also heard something else connection. The way Parker's friends stayed close, the way love continues through football fields, foster dogs, heart rocks, and simply showing up for one another. In part two, we'll continue this conversation by hearing from Cooper, Parker's brother, as we talk more about grief inside a family, surviving after tragedy, and learning how to carry someone with you instead of leaving them behind. Until then, be gentle with yourself. And please, don't forget to breathe.